


Birthday Reconciliation

by runflowerock



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:08:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25781863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/runflowerock/pseuds/runflowerock
Summary: "Where have you gone last night?" It's seungkwan asking."Dance room. Practicing some new dance routine." Soonyoung shrugs, eyes not leaving his phone."I looked for you everywhere but you were nowhere to be found." Jihoon starts, hoping soonyoung would, at least look at him."Maybe you didn't search hard enough." Again, soonyoung shrugs, and eyes still glued to his phone."I know the whole building and you were still nowhere to be found!" The younger shouts in a small voice."Maybe you don't bc you didn't find me."
Relationships: Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Kudos: 23





	Birthday Reconciliation

**Author's Note:**

> Hello i am back, after years leaving this platform behind and i finally being productive again by writing bunch of one shots. Stay healthy everyone! Don't skip meals, stay hydrated and don't forget to wear your mask!!
> 
> Tw // mentions of anxiety/anxious word, and its possible symptoms, including hyperventilation
> 
> Please read under consent

There's only one person who doesn't knock when he enters Woozi's studio. Of course, it's no one but Hoshi, aka Kwon Soonyoung. Whenever Woozi's working in his studio -not in the Universe Factory- there will always be Soonyoung sitting on the sofa behind him. Today's not an exception. It's late, almost 12am and they just got off work from broadcasting station. He greets the employees at the front door good evening, and head straight to Woozi's room, with food in both hands, bc he knows very well that his boyfriend wouldn't eat, unless someone force him to. 

The room is soundproof, as how all music studios should be. He enters the room with the key jihoon gave to him, and set the food on the table, not looking at his lover, whom he thought still working in front of his computer. Soonyoung understands his voice couldn't be heard among the loud music playing so he decides to sit and wait till the song ends. But, when he's about to throw himself on the comfy sofa bed, he notices something. His boyfriend, is kissing someone who isn't him. 

With the way they are kissing, soonyoung knows it's quite a while already. He wants to call him out but, the music's still blasting, but The God's Favor on him. The music stops, so does the two humans who are kissing. He saw it, both of them exchanging smiles, a sweet one, and it hurts soonyoung, when he finally could register the face before him. It's daniel. Jihoon's friend, their same aged friends. His heart numbs, but he decides to clear his throat when he sees daniel pecks his boyfriend's -or a future ex- lips.

"Ahem."

Jihoon jerks his head faster than anything else in the world. He even don't know if he could do that. So does daniel.

"Soonyoung??"

"I guess you're done enjoying yourself? I brought you food, and you can eat my share, daniel, no one should left the guest starving." Soonyoung forces out a smile.

"Soonyoung since--"

"Enough to witness the kiss lasts long? I don't know. Enjoy yourselves then, maybe continue what you guys are doing? I'll be going now. Use protection please!" He walks back, shouts the last part before locking the door. It's so painful even to hold the key on his palm, and he could see jihoon tries to run after him, but he isn't soonyoung if he isn't fast enough. He threw the key away, fuck it wherever it goes, and proceeds to run as fast as his legs allow him to be, to his escape place. Where jihoon couldn't find him. To the smaller dance studio in this building. He slowly reaches the place, which actually not that far, but he doesn't know why it feels so out of reach. He punch the numbers in and let himself into the dark room. He sits on the floor, put his head on his knees that he hugs close to his chest, breathing heavily.

*next morning*

"We'll leave in 10 minutes!" The manager shouts in their hallway, not knowing there are chaos inside three shared apartments.

"Where's soonyoung?" This is jeonghan's voice.

"He didn't come home last night." It's vernon's.

"Jihoon, do you know where soonyoung is?" It's seungcheol's voice now. Jihoon hangs his head low. He didn't sleep a blink last night, after trying to run after his boyfriend, looking for him at the whole agency building, even into their rooms, but soonyoung indeed doesn't come back home.

"Jihoon?"

"No i don't know." He tries so hard to stiffle his voice. He wouldn't let anyone knows about this.

"You guys ready? We need to leave now." Jeonghan's voice interrups. The 2nd eldest surely noticed what's happening. Bc he whispers to jihoon's ear, "don't worry. Soonyoung's on the way to the broadcasting station already." And jihoon's eyes lit up, just like his phone. Someone sent him a kakao talk chat. Jihoon checks it, and sees the sender was soonyoung.

_"Let's remain professional, shall we? Don't let anything happens to us make you lose your focus."_

And jihoon finally cries.

Arrives at the broadcasting station, into their waiting room, they already find soonyoung sitting dips one spot on the sofa. 

"Where have you gone last night?" It's seungkwan asking.

"Dance room. Practicing some new dance routine." Soonyoung shrugs, eyes not leaving his phone.

"I looked for you everywhere but you were nowhere to be found." Jihoon starts, hoping soonyoung would, at least look at him.

"Maybe you didn't search hard enough." Again, soonyoung shrugs, and eyes still glued to his phone.

"I know the whole building and you were still nowhere to be found!" The younger shouts in a small voice.

"Maybe you don't bc you didn't find me." Soonyoung finally puts his phone away, and spare jihoon a look, before excusing himself to the rest room.

Jihoon wants to cry. He saw it. On his eyes. There are anger, sadness, pain, also a blank state in it. He wants to kill himself for being the reason those feelings are apparent in his boyfriend's eyes. Eyes that always lit up with passion, and always been so bright. He slaps himself hard, leaving a red palm print on his cheek when jeonghan tries to stop him. He got carried away last night. He shouldn't let daniel came in, he shouldn't let him kiss him, he shouldn't asked daniel in the first place.

  
"Aaand cut! Good job, Seventeen!" 

"Till now, say the name! Seventeen! Thank you very much!"

"Ahh i'm tired." Jihoon, who walks alone startled by the voice beside him.

"Soonyoung?" The said name smiles, "hi, Pikachu."

Jihoon suddenly doesn't know how to talk. Like all the vocabularies he knows are gone.

"Let's talk, hm?" Soonyoung ruffles his hair, Jihoon couldn't help but blush hard.

"Ji? You don't want to?" Jihoon snaps out of his reverie, and shakes his head vigorously. "No! Let's talk!"

"You always know you can reject the offer, Hoon." Soonyoung puts his hands inside his pocket, shrugging lightly. He knows Jihoon for years anyway. He also knows not to press Jihoon to do something he doesn't want to, or it'll ruin everything.

And again, Jihoon shakes his head, agreeing that he honestly NEEDS the talk.

"Alright, i'll let Coups hyung knows our whereabout before that old man combusts." Soonyoung pats his head lightly and runs off towards their dressing room, to see their leader, and also asking for permission.

  
"Alright i got his permission to go back early, but we need to be present at practice later on." Less than ten minutes later, Soonyoung's back, holding his bag and Jihoon on both his shoulders. "I also brought your bag, and made sure nothing's left behind, so, shall we?"

Jihoon nods. Still not knowing how to open a conversation with a man he hurt last night. It's awkward. Soonyoung also doesn't hold his hand. That man usually doesn't care about his surrounding, and very touchy. He's always be the one who initiates skinships with him, even the smallest gesture, like holding hands, and patting cheeks as the gesture of saying he's done the good job today. But today, it feels empty. His hands feel empty without Soonyoung's holding it. What hurts him more is, he knows Soonyoung holds himself back from holding Jihoon's hand. The man can see him trying so hard to resist. It's like a habit of him, and it hurts so much to Jihoon.

"You want to stop by at a convenience store and buy snack supplies?" Offers Soonyoung when they both get in the van, waiting for one of their managers to drive them back to the agency building. Jihoon shakes his head no. Soonyoung sighs.

"Say something, Ji. You aren't a robot." Soonyoung stops everything he's doing to focus on the smaller man beside him. Jihoon's still quiet beside him, eyes glistening with tears.

"Okay then if you don't want to talk, hope you'll speak later in the company." With that Soonyoung decides to close his eyes, catching some sleep he's been lacking last night, leaving Jihoon glancing at him, with the look of guilt.

  
"Let's not talk inside your studio." Soonyoung says once they arrived at the building. Jihoon's reflect takes him to the direction of his studio, but Soonyoung knows better.

"Ah.." Jihoon rubs his unitchy nape.

"Cmon, i found a secret place few days ago. I'm sure it's safe." With that Soonyoung takes Jihoon the the direction of their company's rooftop.

"Here you go. Not that big, but i think it's enough space to brainstorm some new dance routine." Soonyoung lets him inside a room, full of papers on the table, and an unmade sofa bed, which Jihoon immediatly knows Soonyoung's the occupant.

"How did--"

"Found it when the upper level bathrooms are all occupied and i need to pee." Soonyoung fixes his belongings on the sofa bed to make space for Jihoon to sit himself down.

"This place's cool..." Jihoon couldn't stop looking at the interior. It's simple. Only cream and white as the color of the wall, big table and few chairs in the corner, one TV and one sofa bed, small kitchen counter in the corner, enough for people to keep food insidr the fridge, or making themselves coffee.

"I know," Soonyoung throws himself to the sofa. His habit. "Sit down, Pikachu. You need to be as comfortable as possible."

Jihoon then follows the elder's direction to sit next to him, though it's quite uncomfortable bc of what currently happens. He thought he's ready to explain, but the closer time comes, the more nervous he is.

"Do you want to say something first?" This is it. The confrontation he's been trying his best to avoid. He knows Soonyoung wouldn't let this pass easily. But he also doesn't expect this calm reaction from him. Or it's just Soonyoung trying to control his emotion so he doesn't hurt Jihoon unintentionally, but no need for Jihoon to know.

"I--didn't mean to.." The smaller starts, hands clenching tightly on top of his lap, sitting straight. He waits for Soonyoung to at least make a sound or a little gesture, but none of those are coming, so he assumes the taller allows him to talk more.

"I invited daniel bc he previously asked me to help him on his new track, and i happened to be free that day, so i told him to come over." The younger's fidgeting on his seat, and Soonyoung sees it. He slowly grabs Jihoon's hands, and rubs it gently, giving the feeling of assurance that he doesn't mad, for now.

"Then i remember that i haven't told you about his arrival, just when he knocks on the door. So i decided not to tell you, bc i thought you're gonna be nosy, and play a jealous boyfriend all day thar i have to take care of you." Jihoon immediately knows he's messing up when the smooth, calm movement on top of his hands stops, though the elder doesn't move it.

"Continue," Cold. Only one word and Jihoon can feel shivers down his spine. Soonyoung has never been this cold. He's the serious type but he's as warm as a sun.

"Then it happened. I don't remember how we ended up k-ki--" his breath hitched, but he continues after making sure Soonyoung is listening to him, "kissing, all i remember was when you cleared your throat, telling us to eat, and running away--" His tears threatening to fall. Soonyoung doesn't move his eyes away from Jihoon.

"I tried my best to run after you, i looked for you everywhere, from basement to rooftop, inside each room and bathroom, but apparently i missed this place." He's sobbing now. The feeling of guilty is eating him. He doesn't know why he did that to Soonyoung, to a person whom clearly accept him whoever he is, the one who puts up with his bullshits and his short temper, the one who always, willingly, stay behind him when he's working on songs, when he knows it makes him bored to death, that man still chooses to be with him.

"It hurts, Jihoon." The man starts. Hands slowly backing away from Jihoon's, and leaning his back on the sofa. "It's not even _past_. It's _present_."

The dancer sighs, "it hurts, Ji, when i saw you smile up to him, after you guys kissing." He runs his fingers through his hair, façade clearly stressed, or frustrated to be exact.

"I ran away to the smallest dance room somewhere. I wasn't lying when i said i practiced the new dance routine, bc that way, i stop thinking about you, and even stop thinking what did i do wrong to you." The taller stares far ahead, shoulder sagging like the world just puts the heaviest burden on it.

"I didn't mean to ignore you earlier, i'm sorry. I know you hurt by this, and i was dumb for letting my emotion takes over." Now he faces Jihoon, who's still staring at him like he's saying that he just found a new animal species, mouth agape. Soonyoung smiles.

Jihoon's mind is jumbled. How could this man before him smiles, when he's the one who gets hurt the most? Who gets affected the most? He honestly expecting something wilder than this, like sexual punishment, or even Soonyoung yelling at him. He honestly prefer both, rather than this.

"As much as i want to avoid conversations with you, i can't. I think we need to clear this up? I know it sounds bullshit but i don't want us to be awkward, no matter how this relationship will ends up after this. But again, whatever happen to us, let's be professional. Don't let this be our group's downfall."

Jihoon isn't ready. He's never been ready to face how this will turns out at the end of the conversation. He's at fault and he gives Soonyoung the rights to decide, but he's afraid.

"Let's break up," the words out, Jihoon's world crumbling. "I think we need to reconsider everything about us." The small movement's back. Soonyoung rubs his one thumb on Jihoon's trembling hands, and another one to wipe the younger's tears.

"It hurts me, Ji. When i heard you saying that, i don't know, i conclude that i'm a burden to you, when i act nosy, and jealous that you gotta take care of me, from your words i can say that you're burdened by me, and i can't afford to see you like that." With thumbs still rubbing on the younger's hands, his tears come out. "It hurts when you didn't even consider telling me, when you clearly know we promised each other to tell who and what we're working with, bc, no secrets, remember?"

"Soon--Soonyoung is there any other way i could fix it? Any other way i could mend our heart other than breaking up??" Jihoon knows, he understands that his voice comes out desperate, but he knows he couldn't live without Soonyoung.

"Ji, i won't go anywhere. You could always find me in my room, or in the dance room. You could always text me, we could always talk in the chat room. You don't lose me, i don't lose you. But we're giving each other space, and time to ponder what we did wrong to each other, so when we're going back to each other, we are a better person than we were today." Soonyoung pulls his Jihoon's hands slowly, engulfing him into a hug.

"Don't lose your focus, okay? I might not be here physically in the meantime, but you always know where to find me, you always know that i will always have your back. Let's take our time, Ji. You got me?" The dancer could feel a head nods on his chest, and he couldn't help but smile.

"'Till we're back together again?"

"'Till we're back together again."

  
"But don't take too long~" Soonyoung laughs. It's once in a blue moon to see, and hear Jihoon whining, it's cute, but of course, not gonna tell him that.

_Epilog_

A month passed since their break up. Things were awkward at first. Though they agreed that they'll be there for each other, they're now exes, and the situation couldn't be avoided. Jihoon, he now never invites anyone to his studio, while deep down hoping his (ex) boyfriend would come and be with him in the room. He's now aware that sometimes someone's presence is enough to assure you that you aren't alone in this world. That you have someone who's willing to fight together with you. He regrets anything, and there won't be a day he doesn't think about _what ifs_. But what's done is done. Soonyoung still messaging him from time to time, checking if he's eating or not, if he's sleeping or not, and even send him some delivery food if the smaller's answer is pointing towards _no_. And that drives Jihoon crazy. He misses him. He wants him. He wants anything in his life is about him. By the end of the day, Jihoon knows he's head over heels for Soonyoung.

The dancer hasn't had it easy either. The constant urge to resist to visit his (ex) boyfriend in his studio is huge. Especially those times when Jihoon's answer's implicating that he hasn't eaten yet, or when the smaller says that he's running out of ideas. Soonyoung too, wants to engulf the smaller in a tight hug, the one that makes him feel loved, and protected. He wants to whisper some love words, Jihoon deserves it anyway. That doesn't come easy. After all the break up things, he drowns himself in work, making bunch of choreographies routines for some random songs he plays on his phone, but everything around just remind him of Jihoon. The songs, the way he smiles, the way he comes up silently to help him perfecting the move, the way he eats in the corner of the room. Soonyoung might be crazy. But he's just a crazy in love.

Tomorrow's Soonyoung's birthday. Everyone knows that. Who don't when the self-proclaimed tiger reminds everyone _every time_ since a week ago, that he'll be having his bday tomorrow. Somehow, they both didn't necessarily meet unless it's work related, and requires them to attend in a full 13 people team, for a month already. Also bc they live in different dorms, not to mention their promotion period has ended, the frequency of them both meeting _physically_ is getting smaller. But again, both of them are men of their words. They are trying to fix _them_ together. No one would lie if they told you they saw Soonyoung smiling like an idiot when he's exchanging messages with someone, and everyone in the building knows, that someone is Jihoon. But that's how they cope up. Constant encouraging messages to each other, and all, only minus physical affection, and they both are trying so hard to avoid saying that they miss each other, _it's a silent agreement between the two_ , bc s _ave the best for the reunion_ , one time they were asked _separately_ about this matter. 

Honestly, other members are also frustrated. Everyone knows that both are still head over heels for each other, but decide to give each other time away physically to think. A mind blown to be honest, knowing Soonyoung is one to initiates skinships, and Jihoon always crave for Soonyoung. But instead of breaking up, both like to think that one is away for vacation, rather than _breaking up_. And this year, Jihoon prepares a surprise for Soonyoung.

'A little more minutes,' Jihoon recites. They're on a short break during practice, and he's got permission from their leader to prepare his surprise. It was hard to not touching Soonyoung, when he's just a meter away from him. Everyone in the room also noticed the way they exchange soft look to each other when one isn't looking, or simply using the mirror.

Jihoon fidgets nervously on his spot, thinking what if his surprise doesn't go well. Like, we don't know how would one reacts to some particular scene. Nervous is an understatement. He's so deep in his thought that he's startled when their choreographer starts the last session for the night before dismissing them back to the dorm, or to the rooftop, for Jihoon and Soonyoung.

"And that's it for tonight! Hope you have a good sleep! Also it's past midnight, so happy birthday, Soonyoung!" The session finally ends, Jihoon thought. The members swarming Soonyoung to greet him a happy birthday but him. Soonyoung has thought there's no surprise prepared for him, when in fact, Jihoon has prepared one, and their managers are doing a good job on behalf of the members at the dorm preparing a cake.

Walk to the dorm filled with laughter, how Wonwoo accidentally fell in the pantry when he tries to make himself coffee, or when Hansol bumped his head on the door, _hard_ , bc he said the glass door is very clean he doesn't recognize the door. Jihoon smiles wide, hands inside the pocket of his huge, warm, jacket, with Soonyoung in tow, both smiling.

Birthday surprise from the members are going well, Soonyoung loves it. He doesn't expect it to be honest, bc who would have the energy to prepare stuff when they have a very packed schedule that day, and practice always ends past midnight, forgetting they have three managers to ask for help from. They're off to either shower or changing to more comfortable outfit in their respective room after greeting the birthday boy happy birthday, when Jihoon finds Soonyoung sitting in the kitchen table, eating his cake.

"Hey,"

Soonyoung looks up from his phone, to meet Jihoon's eyes from across the table. He couldn't hide that huge smile of course. He misses Jihoon, _so bad_.

"Ji!"

Jihoon nods in acknowledgement. He too, smiles so wide that he himself thought his cheek muscles would rip if he doesn't stop smiling.

"Enjoy your birthday?" The producer sits few chairs away from Soonyoung, though they're on a good term, the awkward tension is still there. Not to mention Jihoon's anxiety towards Soonyoung's reactions to his surprise later.

"Why are you sitting so far? Come closer, let's eat the cake!" Soonyoung taps the spot right beside him, and Jihoon couldn't help but feels his cheeks warm. It feels domestic. Jihoon misses this so much.

"You think you could spare ten minutes right after this, Soon?" The aforementioned name stops eating, instead looking at the younger like he just grows a second head.

"Sure, what's up?" Jihoon lights up. He suddenly feels everything's gonna be alright.

"Meet me at the rooftop?"

"Sure, anything for Jihoon?"

"Okay then see ya in ten!" Jihoon pecks his cheek, and that makes Soonyoung stunned. He gotta get ready to meet Jihoon then.

At the rooftop, the positive vibes that surrounded him few minutes ago, are suddenly gone. Replaced by a good amount of worry, and anxiety. A lot of _what if_ s are running in head. He doesn't want those to eat him alive, and make him back out from this original plan. Soonyoung is his happiness anyway. He was just dumb by cheating on him. That thought makes Jihoon feels blue, regret washes over him. 

"Ji?" His train of thought suddenly interrupted by the sound of the door opened and closed, followed by a calming voice that Jihoon always loves.

"Hey, i'm here." Jihoon voices. Even in the dark, he could make out Soonyoung's posture walking towards him.

"You okay?" Soonyoung caresses Jihoon's cheek. Thank God it's pretty dark in the rooftop that the former is unable to see the latter's cheeks dusted in pink.

"Soon, not beating around the bush, will you come back to me?" Jihoon slaps his own mouth, those words came out of nowhere before he could think about it. Of course he planned to, but with sweet words and all. Not this blunt. Jihoon mentally slaps himself.

Soonyoung chuckles. He _chuckles_. Jihoon frowns. So, no more chances for him? Is that a way Soonyoung rejects him, and end them for good? So the constant chat, shy glance on the mirror, all the attention, what was that for? Jihoon could hear his heart shattered in pieces.

"Ji? Ji? Jihoon?" Soonyoung panics when the man in front of him doesn't respond, though he's still looking at him, and, he doesn't breath does he?

"Jihoon! Breath Jihoon breath!!" The dancer shakes the smaller's body, hard, hoping the producer gains his breath back. He swears he's never been this scared before, not to mention seeing the love of his life hyperventilates right before his eyes.

"JIHOON!" The younger falls in his arms. Finally snaps out his trance, and able to slowly breath normally.

Jihoon gains his composure back, and sees Soonyoung's face fills with worry, he suddenly jerks up, startling both Soonyoung and himself at the fast reflex.

"Happy birthday, Soonyoung. Have a good day." Jihoon tries to run away, but Soonyoung is faster. The latter grabs his wrist and pulls him to his sturdy chest, hugs him tight like there's no tomorrow. Jihoon wiggles, try to free from his embrace, but no avail. Soonyoung's a lot stronger than him. And he cries. He finally cry the tears he's been holding.

"Just cry, Jihoon. If that makes you feel lighter, cry. No one will see." Soonyoung caress a small of his back, knowing that place could calm his significant other.

"I'm sorry i made you like this." Soonyoung kisses the top of Jihoon's head. The smaller man still sniffles, and shakes his head vigorously, trying to let out ' _no i AM sorry_ ' but no avail, instead he lets the taller continues.

"Did i make you think i reject you? That you hyperventilated? And make you feel like shit? I'm sorry Jihoon, i love you so much that i end up hurting you like this i'm sorry." Jihoon could feel the embrace getting tighter, like trying to melts their body into one. But he stands still.

"I love you so much, Ji. I know it's a wrong timing to say this when you just have an attack, but yes, i would love to go back to you, be yours again. I would love to spend my whole life with you." Jihoon could feel all the burden suddenly lifts off of his shoulder, that he feels so light that he could fly. He looks up to the man of his life.

"Soon--"

"Shh, we're okay now, hm? I'm yours, you're mine. And all that matters." Soonyoung pecks his lips once, and twice, and thrice. Jihoon giggles. "Ah your giggle's back. So cute."

"So you're my boyfriend now?" Jihoon ensures, Soonyoung nods, pecking his Jihoon's lips again. Jihoon beams at his boyfriend's answer. He promises himself to prove that he's the best Soonyoung could ever choose, and not to hurt him again.

"Shall we finish the cake now?" Soonyoung offers his hand for Jihoon to take, which the latter gladly does. Smile blooming on that small face.

"Promise me we go to the gym in the afternoon?" Jihoon pouts in the realisation. Eating cake late at night is nowhere near good.

"Pinky promise, baby. Now off we go? I'm starving." Soonyoung rubs his belly with his free hand, Jihoon laughs.

"Let's go!"

Then Soonyoung and Jihoon knows, there would be future obstacles for them in the future. Their relationship isn't going to be an easy ride, but they both understand that they'll be right by each other.


End file.
